Well, either it is I or the Holy Spirit is trying to shape and mold me into someone He wants me to become. I feel so dirty and sinful right now, have you ever had that experience before? I sure have, it is not a fun thing to go through, yet it is worth it I tell you!
My faith has weakened slightly, please no pity, yet I am feeling my spiritual muscles gaining its strength like never before! It is true, I feel terrible, sinful and dirty. But looking on the bright side, I am growing in Him; I am learning what it means to be a child of God!
I tell you, I am so sinful, I am so impure, so filthy, and I cannot stand it! But what joy do I find knowing I can be free in Christ! My heart is heavy, my emotions are running wild and I am scared. I am learning what it means to give Him my all.
I look back, all I see is pure evil, and it just disgusts me! I have so much pride, so much yucky stuff inside of me that it is just pitiful. The shame I feel is a great embarrassment, because I know I am in the wrong, yet I am fighting to ignore these feelings of mine.
God said He is mighty to save, He will save! How? By His death of course, but His is mighty to save us, to deliver us from temptations and trails. Yet in reality, I do not believe it. I am a proud human being who thinks she can walk on her own two feet without any help from the Most High.
All the music I listen to, all the movies I watch, yet God is speaking, warning me that I can fall away again if I am not careful and it is such a horrible feeling. When I think I am strong, I become weak again. When I think I have everything figured out, my order comes crashing down. When I think I have it right with God, He shows me another thing I need to give-up in order to have that closeness with the Mighty One.
God said He rejoices over me, how does He rejoice over me? He rejoices over the fact that I am His since the beginning of time. He rejoices over my faith, over my spirit does He rejoice!
I am tired, and I am beat. God is asking me to do something and I wonder if I have the strength to follow through. Why am I sharing you my innermost being with you at this time? I am hoping to encourage each one of you on your walk with Jesus.
He said He will sing over us with joy. He has found favor in us! When He looks at us, what makes Him sing with joy? Because we are His, and nothing, I mean nothing will keep us from His wonderful love! He cannot stop loving us, we may stop loving Him, but He will never ever forget us. For He has, as said in Isaiah, He has written our names on the palms of His hands! He has chosen us! He has created us! He has redeemed us! He has called us His bride!
Wow! Yes, I feel low, I feel like dirt, yet I know deep down inside of me that I am worth the price He paid on that cross for us! When we struggle spiritually, know Satan is attacking. When we are in the dark, know that God is still by our side. When we have grown weary, know that God will give us the faith and the strength to keep on going!
